Published On: Fri, Jan 24th, 2014

Meggings: the downfall of the human race has finally arrived

Meggins1It seems like we have a lot of conversations these days about gender and gender roles. Who we used to identify as “cross-dressers” we now call “transgender,” as if gender isn’t tied to DNA (something that literally can’t be changed) and sex organs.

Week after week I read post after post on Huffington Post or Jezebel about mothers who are determined to fight “patriarchal stereotypes” by forcing their boys to play with dolls and their girls to play with trucks. People on the Right rail against the “chickification” of America and people on the Left rail against the roles our biologies make us ideal to perform.

Modern society seems determined to blur the lines between male and female with the help of activist groups, political campaigns and RuPaul’s Drag Race. Well, here is one more contribution to the final downfall of the human race – meggings.

Yup. You read that right. Meggings. Leggings… for men. Some of you may actually approve of this fashion trend. Far be it from me to offend your aesthetic preferences, but I think there is only a limited, specific set of scenarios in which wearing meggings is reasonable.

Men, you should only wear meggings if:

1. You need an extra layer of warmth for your mission to the International Space Station.

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2. You’re a pro-wrestler.

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3. You’re rescuing political prisoners from a forest-themed nightclub.

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4. You need something that can round out your pirate costume and can also double for your pervy Santa costume at the office party this year.

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5. There is no justification for these in any universe.

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6. You’re an understudy for Lenny Kravitz in the next “Hunger Games” installment.

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7. You’re a NASCAR flagman with no hands and checkered flags have been outlawed.

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By Kira Davis

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