Normally when people tie the knot, they do not foresee a divorce. They make vows for a long happy life. Why it happens is an intricated question that might take pages to talk about. Ending a marriage or a relationship can have an impact beyond the couple and can remold the regular routine of children. How moms and dads are dealing with the situation differ from a person to another. Children's reactions to these new changes depend on their age and emotional or physical development. One thing is for sure, each one must spend the rest of his/her life dealing with the other for the sake of the children.
Becoming a father increases the capacity and level of patience and love. It is extremely challenging to step into the shoes of a mother.
Based on the 1989 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child: “the child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality, should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding”.
No man is fully prepared to raise a child alone with the absence of a mother figure. People will still have an opinion on how he is fulfilling the job whether it is a total failure or a superlative success!
Whatever a dad might think of himself, his children will always look up at him as their dad. I know men that are exhausted putting up between the hours at work and the hours spent at home. The single moms acquire the “superhero” title amazingly fast while men keep on doing the toughest job with love without appreciation. Let us be sincere about that, they need the same support given to single mothers and maybe a bit more. No need to get the stink eye from people for being a single dad with a baby in the park or in the supermarket.
I admire a struggling dad who reaches home around lunch time to be with his kids, or the one who spends long hours in the kitchen in a trial and error learning mode to put a decent meal on the table. It is much easier to please your kids with peanut butter and jelly sandwich than a home-cooked meal. He can read a bedtime story, gives loads of hugs and kisses, help with the housework and homework. He can pay the bills and advise on sensitive issues as well. To make it an easier transition for the kids after the divorce or separation is final, it is always important to keep up with old routines and traditions.
Let us not forget the emotional part, stress, depression, anxiety, and sadness all play a big role in shaping his mental status. It takes a village to raise a child, it is never a sign of weakness to ask for assistance or help. Even meeting a new woman is going to be difficult to make things work out because there are too many factors to take into consideration. Will the kids like her or accept her?
It is rewarding and satisfying to sleep at night telling oneself that today I did a good job with the kids.
I quote from a dear friend who is also a single dad and whom I highly praise for what he is doing:“ Being a single dad means making sure your ego and frustration do not influence your decisions concerning the best interest of your child. The best for a child is a loving environment and a teamwork between family and loved ones, and never to be in a position to choose sides. All become possible while still putting yourself in the first place!”. © ReinaSankari 2020
Cheers to all single dads out there!
Twitter: @Reina Sankari
